So excited

Can't believe this studio is where I used to eat dinner, ha.

Bursting at the seams with life, life, life...oh QC. You have my heart.

Thinking with my heart

“You think with your heart. Do you know how beautiful that is?”
“No.”
“One day you will.”

I think with my heart and not my mind. It leaves me vulnerable and wide open, my primary tendency being to make decisions based on emotion. As an artist I practically breathe emotion, passion, and anything meaningful and deep to me. I am not a scientist, thinking in logic, formulas, and what makes sense. There is a true and real beauty in that, but it’s not what I lean towards.

Logic invalidated who I was time and time again. I was my heart. My heart didn’t make sense. It was worthless. I remember being told my opinion meant nothing because it was not based on logic, but emotion. I believe that more often than not, emotion means something. It’s the part of the heart that’s oh so important, yet doesn’t make sense. It can’t be explained to you, it can’t be understood. But it’s there, and it’s there for a reason. It’s a beautiful mystery.

Not that emotion can’t be irrational and downright unjustified, but often, if you look beneath the surface, you find reason in emotion itself. If there is one thing that thinking with my heart gives me, it’s compassion. If I see anyone in pain I hurt for them. As important as justice is to me, I long for mercy even for the bad guys in the stories I read, that they would be redeemed and go on to touch people in love and graciousness. Redemption is such an important word to me. I was redeemed myself. Why not share with others the very gift that sets me free? The only thing that sets me apart from those who don’t know God is grace.

It was grace, grace, grace that God decided to give to me. God revealed himself to me in his word and his unrelenting love. And who am I to receive that love and that gift when I deserve nothing of it? I am no better than my brother or sister beside me. So how could I not share the love and grace shown to me? My heart will not let me walk away from one in need of the very thing that saved my soul.

A good friend and I once had a conversation.

“You think with your heart. Do you know how beautiful that is?”

“No.”

“One day you will.”

I think I’m beginning to see it.

"Hello Hurrican, you're not enough. Hello hurricane, you can't silence my love."

My favorite time is starting. The colder weather comes in, the stars brighten at night. My happiest memories are of the seasons just now beginning.

Not to say this summer wasn't good. Oh it was, not because anything big happened. It was more of an awakening, really. And preparation of what's coming. In a lot of ways it truly was a hurricane. Which is why I find Switchfoot's new album name and title track so perfect.

"Hello hurricane, you're not enough.
Hello hurricane, you can't silence my love.
I've got doors and windows boarded up,
all your dead end fury is not enough,
you can't silence my love."

I will not be silenced. Slap me upside the head, beat me with all you got, I will not let my love be silenced. I was created to love, and I refuse to let that part of me be taken by the pain and worries and trials of the world. My heart is a precious child, I won't forget the wonder of the world around me. It will not happen.

You know, even if I don't know where I'll be even a few months from now. My Papa's got it. Peace is mine to hold. I'm going to do what I love most, and keep my ears and mind wide open, and let's just see where he takes me. I have no doubt he's got a purpose for my being here. This season we're coming into? I'm going to enjoy it thoroughly. I know it's not just a literal changing of seasons, but a spiritual one too. He's pulling me up to take something. You know what Papa? I'm excited. It's gonna be a good autumn and winter. I am absolutely sure of it.

I can look to my left right now, and outside this window I already see a few fiery leaves. It's coming in early. Hallelujah, Jesus. I'm ready to go.

"I never noticed my heart before"

"Careful when you open
It's easy to be broken
In the strangest fashion
You start a chain reaction
When you look my way
Something's pounding away
And I wonder if I ever felt this before

And all this time it was staring me blind
I can't believe I've never noticed my heart before

You are reaching something that is beating
I can't believe I've never noticed my heart before
Over and again they sink out of my skin
I can't believe I've never noticed my heart before

At least it was never so obvious as
Now or never
You put me back together
In the perfect fashion
Just watch my heart's reaction
This part of you is nothing that I'm used to
But I wont close my eyes cause they're onto you
And all this time it was staring me blind
I can't believe I've never noticed my heart before

The only time I noticed my heart is when I noticed you did, you did."