"Get me away from here, I'm dying! Play me a song to set me free."

"...And Max the king of all wild things was lonely and wanted to be where someone loved him best of all. Then all around from far away across the world he smelled good things to eat so he gave up being king of where the wild things are. But the wild things cried, "Oh please don't go- we'll eat you up- we love you so!" And Max said, "No!" The wild things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws but Max stepped into his private boat and waved good-bye and sailed back over a year and in and out of weeks and through a day and into the night of his very own room where he found his supper waiting for him- and it was still hot." Maurice Sendak - Where the Wild Things Are

Friends.

I want to be where the wild things are. Where are they? Where? I need to create. Oh so inspired...painting, photography, music, more...and more and more and more. It's simply driving me crazy to feel all of this inside of me. How do I get it out? I feel like Yael Naim's song Far Far. Sarah Eve heard this song awhile back and immediately thought of me. It really does describe me just about perfectly.

"Far far, there's this little girl,
she was praying for something to happen to her.
Everyday she writes words and more words
just to spit out the thoughts that keep floating inside.
And she's strong when the dreams come 'cause they
take her, cover her, they are all over.
The reality looks far now, but don't go.

How can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess inside.
How can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess inside.

Far far, there's this little girl,
she was praying for something good to happen to her.
From time to time there are colors and shapes
dazzling her eyes, tickling her hands.
They invent her a new world with
oil skies and aquarelle rivers,
but don't you run away already
please don't go.

How can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess inside.
How can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess inside.
Take a deep breath and dive,
There's a beautiful mess inside.
How can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess,
beautiful mess inside.

Oh beautiful, beautiful.

Far far there's this little girl,
she was praying for something big to happen to her.
Every night she hears beautiful strange music,
it's everywhere there's nowhere to hide.
But if it fades she begs
"Oh Lord don't take it from me, don't take it."

She says, "I guess I'll have to give it birth,
there's a beautiful mess inside and it's everywhere."

Just look at yourself now,
deep inside,
deeper than you ever dared,
there's a beautiful mess inside."

This describes me all over. Only in the past few years have I realized many things I see are not normal, nor many things I do. Like the way I dream. I often hear it narrated to me in words of beauty...or I hear music and later convey it through my instruments.

When I hear a song I see a picture, when I see a picture I hear a song. I see colors and images and...I guess that's why I love photography so much. I can see an image I want to capture before I ever even see it. I really just have to do something. All the time.

Back to the wild things. There is one inside of me. It's asleep, but I think it's awakening.

"He's doing a new thing, so we're singing a new song."

To look up into that grace. Not in offense, but in honest, a question that escapes.

"Why?"

To leave all I know and love, to know that my time with my beloved queen may be up. Melodies wafting down roads like a sweet smell. Street lamps illuminating the desires of my heart: a city with personality, spunk, and much to offer. Open hearts for seeds to be planted, hearts growing a harvest, hearts bearing much fruit.

I've seen days with open blue skies, and days with pouring rain. The drops just washing away the impurities of the earth so that when the sun shines again, it can smile on a freshly clean world, sparkling in response to the rays of gold. The rain here smells different than elsewhere. Clean and fresh, sweet to the senses.

I've seen shooting stars on bright and cold winter nights, fresh hot apple cider on bracing fall evenings. In the summertime my city shares a thousand new sounds, as though creation is a life or death matter. During the spring a feeling of rebirth is in the air, like the buds appearing on the trees represent all of our ambitions for the days ahead, reawakened and alive yet again. These memories are more valuable to me than all the gems in the world.

This queen is royal not only in looks, but in the ways she holds herself. I know many here burning for Christ, hearts full of passion that will never be extinguished. They carry themselves as truly regal. It's a sight to remember, one forever burned into my mind as something precious.

Most importantly, though, this city is where I received true life in more than simple theory. Here I met my creator, who then became my savior. I realized a Father's love in a way I could have never dreamed, a beautiful relationship began that has been nurtured and cared for by my surroundings. Such a rich environment to allow me to flourish, even in the midst of much adversity. This city is a jewel that I pray will never be lost.

All of this but a fraction of my heart for my beautiful, beautiful queen. And after reviewing everything, the ups and downs, the highs and lows, I know that I would never trade a second of it.

And it comes back to that questions, while looking up into that grace. The infinite grace I can never hope to comprehend.

"Why?"

Eyes of fire look back at me. Grace, grace, grace. All I can see is his grace. He smiles. I start to cry. And then he speaks, a whisper that is louder than thunder:

"You have done well, my daughter, you have done well."

I collapse in his arms.

Paper Tongues. One incredible sound.

Coming very very soon. Go buy Trinity now!

"But when I look at the stars..."

Friends.

This is probably going to be random and jumbled and out of order, but that's how it is in my head, and I simply have to get it out somewhere. I apologize for the mess of my heart and passions and dreams. But if you're willing to dive in, perhaps it will touch you somehow. Be careful not to trip over my ambitions, swing under my goals, and see what you can catch along the way.

To create is useless to me unless it affects someone. I want to be able to sing into stadiums, not for the attention or glory, but simply to have the words CHANGE people. I want the Lord to anoint my words and have them go so, so far. I cannot simply make something and not have it DO something for the world around me, for the precious children of my God, for my brothers and my sisters.

A movement. I want to start a movement, and again, not for me, but for those all around me. And all I can do for now is just pray. And that's so much, but seems like so little.

To be honest I'd love to create a movie, play one of the characters, direct it, write it, do some camera work, play the music for it, do it all. Why? Because I always have ideas for stories, and even before I write them I can see the scenes in my head, happening right before me. I see what I write, LITERALLY, in pictures. I can see the music I hear. I want to turn it into something visual to affect people like it does me.

Beauty, oh beauty. Lately I've had an obsession with beauty. Beautiful things, beautiful words, beautiful music, beautiful songs, beautiful people. And I think I was created to love beauty, and create beauty, and see the beauty in a falling world.

Maybe I can remind people that even though everything around them may seem dark, there is always beauty. Simply in the Lord, he is everything that is beautiful. I crave it. Not only to be beautiful outside, more to be beautiful inside. I want to stop making so many mistakes, I want to be like my beautiful, beautiful Jesus.

Sunflowers represent hope to me. It may sound silly, but this is why: Sunflowers follow the sun from the moment it rises to the moment it sets. And when darkness sets in, and the sun isn't anywhere to be found, they bow their heads, as though in prayer, and await the morning.

I want to follow the Lord, and when I cannot see him, pray. I have hope in another day, to rise and follow him again. My hope is that my words will change things. My hope is that God is on my side. My hope is that the way I hurt so much for the people around me is not for nothing, rather for something very, very big.

Much love.

"See You Soon" and "I Thought I Saw Your Face Today" (I post song lyrics when it's what I feel that day)

Yes, this sums up how I feel.

"So you lost your trust
And you never should have
No,you never should have
But don't break your back
If you ever hear this
But don't answer that

In a bullet proof vest
With the windows all closed
I'll be doing my best
I'll see you soon
In a telescope lens
And when all you want is friends
I'll see you soon

So they came for you
They came snapping at your heels
They come snapping at your heels
But don't break your back
If you ever say this
But don't answer that

In a bullet proof vest
With the windows all closed
I'll be doing my best
I'll see you soon

In a telescope lens
And when all you want is friends
I'll see you soon
And oh,

And oh, you lost your trust
And oh, you lost your trust
No, don't lose your trust
No, you lost your trust"




"I thought I saw your face today
But I just turned my head away
Your face against the trees
But I just see the memories
As they come
As they come

And I couldn't help but fall in love again
No, I couldn't help but fall in love again

I saw it glitter as I grew
And loved it why I never knew
I thought this place was heaven sent
But now it's just a monument
In my mind
In my mind

And I couldn't help but fall in love again
No, I couldn't help but fall in love again

The cars and freeways implore me to stay
Away out of this place
My mother said, "Just keep your head, and play it as it lays."

I somehow see what's beautiful
In things that are ephemeral
I'm my only friend of mine
And love is just a piece of time
In the world
In the world

And I couldn't help but fall I love again
No, I couldn't help but fall in love again"

See You Soon
I Thought I Saw Your Face Today