"But when I look at the stars..."

Friends.

This is probably going to be random and jumbled and out of order, but that's how it is in my head, and I simply have to get it out somewhere. I apologize for the mess of my heart and passions and dreams. But if you're willing to dive in, perhaps it will touch you somehow. Be careful not to trip over my ambitions, swing under my goals, and see what you can catch along the way.

To create is useless to me unless it affects someone. I want to be able to sing into stadiums, not for the attention or glory, but simply to have the words CHANGE people. I want the Lord to anoint my words and have them go so, so far. I cannot simply make something and not have it DO something for the world around me, for the precious children of my God, for my brothers and my sisters.

A movement. I want to start a movement, and again, not for me, but for those all around me. And all I can do for now is just pray. And that's so much, but seems like so little.

To be honest I'd love to create a movie, play one of the characters, direct it, write it, do some camera work, play the music for it, do it all. Why? Because I always have ideas for stories, and even before I write them I can see the scenes in my head, happening right before me. I see what I write, LITERALLY, in pictures. I can see the music I hear. I want to turn it into something visual to affect people like it does me.

Beauty, oh beauty. Lately I've had an obsession with beauty. Beautiful things, beautiful words, beautiful music, beautiful songs, beautiful people. And I think I was created to love beauty, and create beauty, and see the beauty in a falling world.

Maybe I can remind people that even though everything around them may seem dark, there is always beauty. Simply in the Lord, he is everything that is beautiful. I crave it. Not only to be beautiful outside, more to be beautiful inside. I want to stop making so many mistakes, I want to be like my beautiful, beautiful Jesus.

Sunflowers represent hope to me. It may sound silly, but this is why: Sunflowers follow the sun from the moment it rises to the moment it sets. And when darkness sets in, and the sun isn't anywhere to be found, they bow their heads, as though in prayer, and await the morning.

I want to follow the Lord, and when I cannot see him, pray. I have hope in another day, to rise and follow him again. My hope is that my words will change things. My hope is that God is on my side. My hope is that the way I hurt so much for the people around me is not for nothing, rather for something very, very big.

Much love.